NUCLEAR THRONE
Irradiated, bloodied, and still the best roguelike around.
By Nat Clayton
Turtles and rats in a sewer? Cowabunga!
In an instant, it all comes back. The immediate sense of danger. The strategy, the weapons, remembering to grab a grenade launcher for the 2-1 bonus round and remembering to avoid opening the gates in 3-2 and 5-2 to keep them safe for the eventual loop. I make it to the Throne at record pace, busting the generators to break into the secret second phase… and then I beef it. Melted. A promising run killed in an instant, doomed by one slip up.
I need you all to understand, I used to be hot shit at Nuclear Throne. Back in uni I was obsessed, making sure to get a daily run in every morning before heading to class, ill-advised subwoofer blasting the sounds of Joonas Turner’s fat bassy gunshots into my neighbours’ ceilings (probably). Even if I never topped the leaderboards, I was a regular sight in the top 25, frequently clawing my way into the top 10.
Because while Nuclear Throne was never the deepest or most strategic roguelike, it’s raw, loud and incredibly satisfying, a buffet of crunchy pixelated murder where even the most successful runs can easily be crammed into a lunch break.