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Our agony aunt, Mary Fenwick, offers a new perspective on whatever is troubling you
‘‘ My husband’s daughter hates me and he puts her first ‘‘
Q My partner has an adult daughter he raised alone and she is close to his family. My relationship with her was OK but I didn’t fit into the clan, found it claustrophobic and my mental health declined. Eventually, I attempted suicide while she was in the house and she has never forgiven me.
I made many attempts to build bridges, which were treated with disdain. My husband visits his daughter alone, which I support, but it causes me distress because I do not feel supported by him. She told him she hates me. I asked her to resolve things with me, but she refused. He seems terrified of doing anything to upset her, irrespective of my pain, and we have separated over it in the past. What can I do? Name supplied
A Three things come across in your letter: you’ve navigated a lot, your husband wants the best for his daughter and you feel desperate. The challenge is to acknowledge all that, while creating a more hopeful vision of the future.
I talked to Alison O’Mahony, a systemic family therapist and founder of BeStepWise. She says your situation is common, serious and solvable - although the solution might seem difficult at first.