Giving up control
Railing against change and uncertainty, Suzy Walker comes face to face with her panic and anxiety
M
y inner control freak and I aren’t that well acquainted but, as the world melts down, I notice that little bossy boots trying to organise my thoughts (‘only positive mantras allowed, thank you’) and actions (‘let’s keep this show on the road’). At night, when I’m trying to sleep, my inner despot, wearing a hard hat and high-vis jacket, frantically lines up my emotions into neat rows of acceptable and unacceptable. (Hope? Tick. Despair? No, not you!) As my son and I hole up in our tiny canal boat in London, and the noise of the city abates, her barking orders got 10 times louder.