What’s the one thing better than being offered a spanking new Aprilia Tuareg to ride from Brisbane to Sydney via whichever route you like? Being offered two Tuaregs, of course.

STORY ANDREW CLUBB PHOTOS CLUBBY & DAVE DARCY

Welcome to the Granite Belt and the boulder farms that surround towns like Tenterfield and Stanthorpe. And take a tip from us: the granite gravel dirt roads here are slippery-as!

The rich farm country around Warwick is especially lush and green after a year of rain. And yes, it rained on us all day long between Brisbane and Tenterfield.

There’s nothing quite like making a grand entrance. And this time it was one of the grandest of all: skulking around in my underpants in the Brisbane Motorcycles showroom, desperately looking for my second riding sock and a missing knee guard amongst the contents of two Giant Loop dry bags I had just unceremoniously dumped on the floor. I tell ya, this fly ‘n’ ride ADV touring game is a palaver.

Sure, it all sounds so glorious and rock star-like: fly in, climb aboard a shiny new bike, then just go! Ah, one wishes it was that easy. I’ve done it a lot, and you’d reckon I would have the act down pat by now. But no, I always end up with gear strewn everywhere, then just stuffing bags full of clothes and tools and tubes and cameras and chargers, before trying to load it all onto an unfamiliar bike, which nine times out of ten has no luggage racks.

You see, the problem is the repack. Because you have to get out of your street clothes, and into your riding gear. Which means everything has to be unpacked — and how’s this: the Darcinator now buys an old suitcase at Vinnies before each trip, to get his riding gear there, then just dumps it when we ride away! Then you change into your riding gear, and all your clothes and crap have to be repacked to go on the bike.

So I am going to cut out a step in the process: no more repacking! From now on I am going to wear all my riding gear on the plane. Yep, jacket, pants, boots and helmet. That’s sure to get some weird looks and ring a few bells at the X-ray machine, but when I get to the other end, I just tie down my Tillamook bag and strap on the Fandango, and into the sunset I charge. Done. Unless airport Security drags me into a small room for a rubber glove inspection because they won’t believe there’s nothing hidden in the soles of my AlpineStars …

LET’S DO A DEAL

If you read the last issue of AAB, and in particular the review of the new Aprilia Tuareg, you’ll have noted the new mid-size Italian masterpiece received a rather glowing wrap following the national media launch of the bike in the Hattah desert near Mildura. I was more than a little stoked on the bike, and was itching to do some more miles on it should the opportunity present itself.

Enter AAB editor-at-large Dave Darcy, who rather timely suggested to the bigwigs at Aprilia Australia that they provide him with not one, but two, Tuaregs for review for his MAD TV channel on YouTube. Darcy’s plan was to take two Tuaregs and review them via ‘a real world multi-day adventure ride’ … from Brisbane to Sydney, no less. Nice plan, that. But even better, he wanted me to ride the second Tuareg and make myself useful along the way by carrying his tripod, cleaning his lens caps, charging his batteries and retrieving his drone from crash landings in swampy creek beds or paddocks covered in cow pats.