I feel like I’m constantly trying to find ways to make the world a better place – from simple acts like picking up litter on my morning dog walk, to carrying my keep cup with me at all times. These are all great acts for the environment, but what about the people around me? What am I doing to make their lives easier or to make them feel good?
When I think about my favourite people there are traits that they all share – kindness, warmth and that magical way of making you feel extra special with their words. Had your hair done? They notice and tell you. Been to a family wedding? They ask you what you wore and how the speeches were. It’s a great skill and one I spent a week trying to master – being more engaged, paying more attention and freely giving compliments to my friends, family and colleagues.
“Receiving compliments has been shown to be like a drug,” explains psychologist Jan De Jonge (peoplebusinesspsychology.com). “The brain fires up its hormonal activity which almost instantaneously makes us feel happier. The cerebral cortex and ventral striatum start to increase their activity, while happy hormones and neurotransmitters, like dopamine, fire up. Praise is linked to increased functioning of memory, especially if we are given enough chance to sleep. Still, other physical benefits occur: giving compliments, as an expression of altruistic behaviour, has been linked to improved levels of biological immunity, better educational attainment, and increased levels of happiness.”
I have never been a natural compliment giver – you know those people for whom it just rolls off the tongue? ‘Oh I love your shoes!’ they say, leaving the recipient thrilled and with a spring in their step for the rest of the day. That’s never really been me. I tend to admire from afar, or only say I appreciate something if I really genuinely do. I started by telling a colleague I liked her trousers, which was met with a mixture of confusion and suspicion – “Do you actually?” she said.