UNDER THE MICROSCOPE
Your writing critiqued
James McCreet applies his forensic criticism to the first 300 words of a reader’s manuscript
James McCreet
Fred Johnson is retired and took up a creative writing class to prod him to do the writing he has always thought about. WM has been a particular godsend during lockdown, giving him ideas and stimulus when there have been no classes.
He has had a couple of SF-based stories published but this story, Gold Rush, which is historical fiction based on the events leading to the building of the Stockton to Darlington railway in the early 19th century, is a new direction for him.
Adam was used to separation,1 and this time was no different -sudden, arbitrary and disorienting. A rough voice. ‘Come with me. I’ve found someone to take you off my hands at last.’ Woken from sleep and ten years old, he wasn’t sure what this meant but he did not expect much good. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he followed the man’s heavy boots into the farmyard.
A maid watched from the kitchen.9 ‘Lord,’ she said to the cook. ‘He’s only a scrap of a boy who’s done no harm to anyone but the master treats him worse than the dogs.’
The cook shrugged11 ‘He wasn’t asked for and he isn’t wanted. He’s lucky something was done for him and his sister. It’s better than the workhouse.’
‘You should have seen him cry when they sent his sister away. I’ve never seen anyone so broken hearted.13