MAWAAN RIZWAN
The night bus provides you with all your creature discomforts
OPINION
THERE ARE SO MANY weird creatures on night buses, even Sir David Attenborough would be nonplussed. Seeing as I spend a lot of time on them, I’m fully accustomed to wild and territorial passengers. So here’s my survival guide for when you encounter one.
→ The open book
A rare but recognisable species — often with a mobile phone attached to one ear. Also known as the yap-yaps or “jeez, use your indoor voice.” They are incredibly generous with personal information and totally oblivious to volume control. These mammals have strong parental instincts. I once heard a female say: “You’re just not the kind of guy I’d like to get pregnant with, but I’d get a puppy with you.”