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Home > DIVA Magazine > March 2016 > No Problem

No Problem

IF YOU’VE GOT ISSUES, WE CAN HELP

IF MY PARTNER’S NO LONGER A LESBIAN, WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?

Dear Jane,

I’m writing because I’m not sure where to turn. I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and I’ve been a lesbian for more than I care to remember, and soon found lesbian community at university, so I’m finding it hard to deal with the fact that my partner, who was assigned female at birth, has recently told me that they want me to use the “they” pronoun and that they are “genderqueer”. I don’t really understand this and I feel sad about the loss of my formerly female-identified partner. It makes me worried because I hear about so many formerly-female people who are no longer “women”. I am trying to get my head around it but I mourn the loss of my female lover, the ally who I felt I shared so much with. And I mourn the loss of lesbian spaces, almost as if the safe space we women shared in common is being changed and I have no control over it. What does my partner changing mean for me? Can I still call myself a lesbian? I’m confused. I have trans friends and colleagues and if my partner was trans-ing it might even be more simple. Can you help?

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About DIVA Magazine

Sarah Paulson (American Horror Story, Carol, 12 Years A Slave) talks with refreshing openness about her work, her relationships and inadvertently coming out in our in depth interview with her. Also in this issue: BFI Flare - Our pick of this years festival. Kaitlyn Alexander. Will "the lesbian Netflix" change the face of lez and bi culture? Transgender parenting. Interactive artist and activist Maya Choudhury. What is life like for those who are queer and autistic? LGBT history in museums. DIVA's history quiz. Jacky Fleming. Why has bi-activist Charlotte Dingle befriended her school bully? Meet the couple behind lesbian card company, Slamsister designs. Travel with us to Spanish lesbian resort, Bambu or find romance in New York. Plus all the very best in life, scene, books, film, music and TV.
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