You have my sympathies. It’s always respond to the more general editorial directives more humour, increase pace, or add emotion – specifics of say, ‘describe her job in a bit more does Fred look like?’ and I can empathise struggles.
But I think Kate, the main problem could summarised in your last four words. It is particularly difficult needs to be done when you are up against a deadline and panic, and it may be that you need to take a step back.