Hidden in plain sight

EVER HAD TO COME OUT TO SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T THINK YOU “LOOKED LIKE A LESBIAN”? DIVA ASKED TWO VERY DIFFERENT FEMMEIDENTIFIED LESBIANS TO SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES

Juliette Prais founded Pink Lobster Dating to help femme lesbians find each other

“UNLESS I WEAR A T-SHIRT SAYING ‘NO ONE KNOWS I’M A LESBIAN’, NO ONE KNOWS I’M A LESBIAN”

Juliette Prais, CEO and founder of Pink Lobster Dating and Matchmaking

I am a lesbian and a “gold star” one at that, meaning that I knew from a young age that I was 100% lesbian and have never slept with a man. When I came out I was just a lesbian who had a crush on Gillian Anderson and Kylie and didn’t even know the word “femme”.

I have always been attracted to feminine women and I have always been a feminine woman. Nonetheless, had it been easier to find other femmes and be identifiable as a lesbian, it is probable that I never would have donned the label “femme”. The issues I have encountered as a feminine lesbian have included both lack of acceptance and understanding that I am indeed a lesbian. How to find other femmeloving femmes in an ocean of lesbians created an even larger predicament, like using gaydar without any batteries. The issues that femmes face were largely the reasoning behind setting up Pink Lobster Dating for femme women. I wanted femmes to have a safe community where they would be accepted and find other femmes without fear of backlash.

I remember the excited feeling in my awakening lesbian belly when I first went to a gay bar in my late teens. Crossing that threshold was like dipping my feet into a bubbling Jacuzzi on a winter’s day. Yet, when I walked through the dingy doorway of a bar in Edinburgh which no longer exists, I was not greeted with happy smiles and rainbow paint or lesbians shouting, “Hello Juliette, we’ve been waiting for you”. In short, it was a little anti-climactic.