“R emember Bad Girls?” asks musician and club promoter Tabs Benjamin. I’ve called to talk about her new EP, Love Like This, the story of “being a butch lesbian in a hostile world” and the first record she’s released in five years. But I’m more than happy to segue into a convo about the iconic prison drama which helped me realise I was not, in fact, straight. “I definitely believed that to be a lesbian, you had to be in prison,” laughs Tabs. “I know, it’s stupid, right? But you don’t really see positive representations of butch women succeeding, and that’s really tough. Super tough.”
She’s right, of course. It’s the reason it took me – and many others – so long to claim a butch identity. It was something ugly, as far as I was concerned. Something unlovable. Even today, positive depictions of butch women are few and far between – something Tabs is keen to counter, both with her music and with (my favourite) club night, Butch, Please.
Listening to the record, I’m moved to tears. It feels like Tabs is telling my story. But as well as speaking to the butch experience, it’s also a deeply personal exploration, dealing with themes of family rejection, violence, and the struggle to be herself. At the same time, it’s a celebration of butchness, and a really powerful statement of intent. “All anyone ever asks me about now is violence,” Tabs tells me. She’s talking about the reaction to a PinkNews video where she recalls some of the abuse she’s encountered in her life. “But I’ve made a rule now that I’m not going to talk about that so much, because I don’t want young people to think that the only thing I’ve experienced in my life is street harassment, threats of violence… Of course, that has to be talked about and we have to deal with that, but it’s not the only thing in my life, or the only thing about who I am. I only saw negative representations of butch women, on the whole. I want to break that cycle. Because life is both. It’s the good and the bad and it’s happy and it’s sad. With this record, I really wanted to show a three-dimensional picture of my life and of other butch women’s lives too, I hope. It was really hard for me – and for you as well, I’m sure – to not think I could have a happy life, with love and success. But you can. Turns out, you can.”
“I only saw negative representations of butch women, on the whole. I want to break that cycle”
Indeed you can. Tabs, who is based in east London, is proof of that. Having originally signed to major labels Polydor and BMG under the name Detour City, she collaborated and performed with industry big hitters. It’s a time in her life she’s very proud of, but there was something missing. “I did exciting things and worked with amazing people, but I don’t think that music was as personal. I didn’t feel as secure in who I was. That’s to do with my own sense of comfort, but I also think it was about the mainstream music industry, which doesn’t really have a place for butch women singers, songwriters, producers. There isn’t a slot that you fit in.”