Beating the Cube
In a small pocket of a collapsing universe, the Time Team has gathered to watch the nail-biting finale of the Eleventh Doctor’s first series. Geronimo!
COMPILED BY PAUL LANG | ARTWORK BY ADRIAN SALMON
THIS ISSUE Episodes 768 & 769 – THE PANDORICA OPENS / THE BIG BANG
The Time Team are even more excited than usual as they gather for The Pandorica Opens. Together, they’ve been on a whirlwind voyage through the history of Earth, meeting a new Doctor, a new companion and lots of new friends from the planet’s past, present and future.
It’s been scary, thrilling, occasionally frustrating, but always fun. So much fun, in fact, that… shall we go round again? Do the whole lot one more time? But this time, in ten minutes flat? Let’s do it!
“Oh, we’re back in Van Gogh land,” says a surprised Will. “Teasing us by not showing exactly what the great man is painting this time!”
This painting is about to embark upon an extraordinary journey – and its first stop is the Cabinet War Rooms from Victory of the Daleks.
“This is a fun opening for the show, a tour round the season,” says Michael, clapping with joy. “I love the planning that has gone into this.”
Winston Churchill takes one look at the painting and gets straight on the phone – long distance.
“He’s calling River Song, in the future?” boggles Will. “That’s unexpected.”
Arrangements are made for River to collect the painting, but it’ll be gathering dust for quite a while – until 5145, to be precise. It is by then part of the Royal Collection, in the care of our old mucker, Liz 10 from The Beast Below. River then heads off to procure a cheap and nasty time travel solution from a dodgy big blue geezer called Dorium.
“‘Fresh off the wrist of a handsome Time Agent’?” says Michael. “Could he mean Captain Jack?” ull-onIn the TARDIS, Amy is still pondering her discovery of a mysterious engagement ring. She doesn’t remember that it’s hers, and that her fiancé, Rory, is no more – gobbled up by the crack in time that’s been stalking her since she was a child.
“The Doctor is in full-on ‘distract Amy’ mode again,” observes Will, as a trip to Planet One – the oldest in the universe – is offered up to take her mind off the mysterious sparkler. There, a message in 50-foot letters has awaited translation since very the dawn of time. And what else could it say but…
“‘Hello, sweetie!” yell the team, in perfect unison. Its instructions are to head for Britain in 102 AD.
“I think River pretending to be Cleopatra is the funniest moment of this series,” chuckles Michael.
River finally unrolls the painting, but it’s not some lovely sunflowers this time – it’s the TARDIS, and it’s exploding.
“That’s about an episode’s worth of plot in a very long pre-credits sequence,” says Michael, impressed.
“How wonderful to follow the millenniaspanning journey of the painting,” agrees Emma. “Doctor Who in perfect microcosm!”
“Stonehenge! And no tourists,” notes Will, archly, as the Doctor, Amy and River thunder across Salisbury Plain on horseback. “The benefit of going a couple of millennia back in time.”
River explains that they’re looking for a box – the Pandorica – a cage built to contain the most feared thing in all the universe. Eep! The famous stones slide away to reveal steps leading underground.
“The Doctor says, ‘The underhenge’ like it’s a well known thing,” says Michael.
“It sounds dirty,” smirks Will.