Garth Marenghi’s Development Hell
In a world exclusive, the planet’s most prolific horror novelist writes for Empireabout the Marenghi masterpieces that could have been
Clockwise from bottom left: Cutthroat Island; Short Cuts; Full Metal Jacket; Married To The Mob; Wrong Turn; Pacific Heights.
ILLUSTRATION THE RED DRESS
APART FROM HIS much-maligned and misunderstood movie War Of The Wasps, the horror novelist-turned-filmmaker Garth Marenghi has become something of a J.D.
Salinger-esque recluse in recent years. All fans have had to go on are episodes of his seminal 1980s horror series Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, and his vast collection of terrifying novels. However, it turns out that Marenghi has not been sitting idle. He has instead been working on a series of movies — none of which, so far, have been given the green light by a cowardly film industry. Through an intermediary of Marenghi’s, the film director Matthew Holness, we have persuaded Garth to fill us in on his efforts. Enjoy.
Greetings, sineastes... I, Garth Marenghi, writer, actor, director, dreamweaver, nay demigod, am returned. Know then, that for 20 years, I have resided in Hell, and I’m not talking about the infernal realm (though I do plan to visit now that lockdown’s eased)… I refer, friend (or foe — let’s face it, you’re probably an amateur ‘reviewer’/tech troll), to development hell. And like Dante’s fiery bach-pad, this hell also has nine circles, or what execs call ‘re-drafts’. True, I entered Hell a mortal man, only to emerge a deity, but I never forget those I passed on the way down.