WE’RE HERE! 400ISSOES! STRADDLING FIVE DECADES OF FILMMAKING, WE’VE COVERED II ALL - INCLUDING THOSE FEW YEARS WHEN FOR SOME REASON EVERYTHING WAS IN 3D. HERE’S THE KNOWLEDGE WE’VE PICKED ÜP ALONG THE WAY, FOR GETTER OR WORSE...

WORDS: TEAM EMPIRE PAST AND PRESENT

WfTH SPEC/AL THANKSTO:

DEBI BERRY, MARK DINNING, COLIN KENNEDY, IAN NATHAN, OLLY RICHARDS AND EMMA SPACEY

YOU CAN LAUNCH A FILM MAGAZINE WITH THIS COVER… AND SURVIVE

“The movie is always bigger than the star. That was one of the golden house rules laid down for the launch of Empire, and the only defence I can offer to today’s jury for the otherwise inexplicable decision to put Dennis Quaid on the cover. The Jerry Lee Lewis biopic, Great Balls Of Fire, was actually deemed to be A Big Deal back then, even if time has been less kind to the film. Our mission statement, though we would never have called it that at the time, was, “At last the movies get the magazine they deserve.” I like to think it was a promise we lived up to in those halcyon days of 1989, and a promise that holds true to this

INTERVIEWS MIGHT NOT GO TO PLAN

● If you interview Jason Biggs and Alyson Hannigan about American Pie and the fire alarm goes off and the building gets evacuated, they’ll continue the interview on the fire escape.

● If John Travolta is jet-lagged, he’ll kindly ask permission to walk around you in circles while you chat.

● Michael Bay does not like an overuse of orange lighting with his Transformers CGI work — and, during a video conference, will berate those responsible for it in front of you. “Someone is really in love with orange.”

● If you work for Empire you might be fortunate enough to get asked to interview an animatronic cat called Kitty Galore.

● Or you might get asked to talk to a computer-generated guinea pig.

● If you interview Kermit The Frog during a press roundtable, you may have to sit there in bewilderment while another journalist asks him a hard-hitting industry question about Disney’s acquisition of The Muppets.

● During a long day of press in a hotel suite, Bruce Willis might inexplicably change into a bathrobe at 3pm for your on-camera interview.

● After interviewing John Malkovich, you might be handed a John Malkovich Party Pack including a mask of his face. And a Dangerous Liaisons DVD.

● In a staring contest with Miss Piggy, you won’t win.

● Promoting No Country For Old Men, Joel Coen would lie on the hotel sofa, while Ethan Coen would conduct his responses from the bathroom while switching the light on and off.

● Oliver Stone is a big hugger.

Especially if you accidentally meet him in the lift after an interview.

● At the end of an interview, Paul Feig might pour whiskies for you both and toast the Queen.

TOTALLY RANDOM

Jean-Claude Van Damme’s chosen greeting before interviews on his boat in Cannes in the 1990s was to somersault along its top deck in white-linen trousers and an open shirt, and come to a stop with his bare foot underneath your chin. Then lower it really slowly.

Mickey Rourke isn’t a fan of patterned scarves and is more than happy to inform patterned-scarf fan Darren Aronofsky of this.

Interviewing a chain-smoking Takashi Miike on a rowdy beach in Cannes while an interpreter translates and drunk people blow vuvuzelas around you is bewildering.

If Arnold Schwarzenegger lays into Donald Trump and his Apprentice ratings during an Empire interview, a very public Twitter spat between the two will take place.

Michael Mann cannot mend tape recorders.

At the end of a phone interview,

Frances McDormand might say, “Let’s both go and have a good day now.”

Sigourney Weaver has the baby queen from Alien 3 “in a drawer somewhere”.

If he visits the Empire office, Dan Aykroyd will shake hands with everybody exiting the lift, Empire staffers or not.

James Cameron might sign off from an interview with, “We only have so many heartbeats. Use them well.”

Sylvester Stallone will happily show you his scars. Where his throat was operated on. Where he had his neck fused. Where he had a cadaver bone put in his neck. Where his whole calf was lifted up.

In the reception area of Robert Rodriguez’s Troublemaker Studios in Texas, you will find a wooden confessional booth, shipped over from a Mexican church.

Ray Winstone is so scared of lions, when he sees them at the zoo he thinks they’re plotting against him.

As a child, Sam Mendes dreamt that the Wicked Witch Of The West was blowing out street lamps one by one.

BILL MURRAY IS UNPREOICTABLE

Bill, please: Empire’s had some memorable encounters with Mr Murray over the years.

➼ If you interview Bill Murray while he’s lying on a slowly deflating inflatable crocodile in a paddling pool, he’ll ask the journalists to get in and dunk the most annoying one. Not you, but your phone will get ruined.

➼ Bill Murray can’t remember his earliest memory.

➼ If Bill Murray spots Bobby Brown, he’ll twirl an imaginary microphone cord and sing ‘My Prerogative’ to him.

➼ Even if you’re not on Bill Murray’s interview schedule in Cannes, he might summon you anyway, break out a plate of cookies, and discuss poetry.

➼ You can interview Bill Murray on Zoom while he’s ordering cocktails on a golf course.

➼ If you interview Bill Murray shortly before you’re about to have a child, he’ll give you sincere parenting tips and be genuinely delighted for you.

➼ IF YOU COME UP WITH RIDICULOUS MAGAZINE IDEAS, YOU MIGHT USB WEM ANYWAY

Count Dooku Sudoku

Mr Biehn’s Holiday

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged By Judge Reinhold

Listen To Your Friend Billy Zane

Chris Packham On The Animals Of Avatar

Jude Laws Of Attraction

FILM SETS WILL SURPRISE YOU

● Shockingly (not shockingly), the Iron Throne is really rather uncomfortable.

● Christopher Nolan never sits down on set.

● Big, expensive explosions don’t always go to plan. When they blew up the mountain fortress in Inception, it fell the wrong way.

● If you try on Michael Fassbender’s Frank Sidebottom head, it might get stuck (it did).

● When he’s not filming, Jim Broadbent does the crossword. He’s always doing crosswords. He is half-man, half-crossword.

● Roads in films always look so lush and shiny because teams with hoses leap out between takes, furiously spraying them, even in summer.