Joe Stone Is On It
ON THE PROWL FOR A GBF? THERE’S A SITE TO HELP YOU FIND THE ONE
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IT’S OFFICIAL. The time has come to burn the earth and salt the ground so that any future civilisations won’t realise how badly we have failed. The reason? Step forward everygirlneedsagay.net, the worst internet invention since… No, sorry, I can’t think of anything worse than this. If I had that kind of sick, twisted imagination I’d be writing the script for the next Human Centipede instalment, not a column for Attitude.
Every Girl Needs a Gay is an ‘online matchmaking platform’ – threatening to launch itself onto an unsuspecting world this month – which promises to pair dim girls with equally clueless gay best friends. Apparently the site uses a ‘sophisticated algorithm system’ to locate members who share a ‘spark of mutual glitter’. They could probably just throw a net on Canal Street and then divide the catch into provincial twinks and hen-party strays in pink cowboy hats tbh, but whatever. The methodology is the least of their worries.