Finding Love Again

After 18 years together, Stephen Byrne lost the man he loved to cancer. Starting over was a long, hard road, but he wasn’t going to let grief win

AS TOLD TO: CHRIS GODFREY PHOTOGRAPHY: LEE BAXTER

I suppose by the age of 40+ people have quite a potted history in their past relationships and love affairs. I am 42 and I am now dating a man of 25. We’ve been together nearly seven months and it’s going well. I find that guys in their twenties don’t carry around personal life stories of their past because they are still young and maybe haven’t experienced that much on the love-and-loss side of things.

Of course, in my twenties I had my break-ups but the relationships hadn’t been overly profound or long-lasting and so were easy to get over. I find that younger guys also have a natural optimism concerning love: they expect to meet the one, settle down and enjoy life with a partner.

I had the same optimism in my twenties and love happened to me when I was 24 after what I thought was a random one-night-stand with a 40-something guy called Michael.

Looking back, I must have been hard work. I now know what stamina he must have had trying to keep up with the social life of someone 20 years younger because now the shoe is on the other foot.

I am a gay widower making a new life for myself after losing my husband.

Michael and I met in 1998 and aside from a six-month break relatively early on, we were together for the next 18 years. I had what you might call a charmed and happy life. We quickly moved in together and I discovered all the pluses of dating an older guy.

Michael never played games or made me work for his attention or affection, it was just freely and easily given. Life was pretty much unspoilt and time crept by unnoticed. Friends divorced and separated but somehow we just pottered on with our Sunday lunches, our film afternoons and our eggs on toast on a Saturday morning.