Why the well-balanced art of speaking and listening is key to effective communication

Have you ever thought about what makes a good conversation? There are those where it’s impossible to get a word in edgeways, others that are stilted, with neither party able to think of anything to say, and some where one person feels heard and understood, while the other is less confident about expressing their own voice. Arguably, what’s missing from all of the above is balance – and that’s what a constructive, positive exchange requires. But how is that achieved?

With friends, chatter might flow effortlessly, but not always. Even the closest of pals might not be the best conversational partner. And chats with colleagues, peers and strangers can seem even more challenging. Talking and listening skills aren’t taught at school, after all, and not everyone is lucky enough to enjoy exemplary familial debate in the home.

Inner stability

Melanie Harth is a US-based clinical psychologist, reiki teacher and therapist, who describes the latter profession as akin to being a ‘highly trained conversationalist’. She likens balanced conversation to a seesaw: ‘It’s always in motion, and it takes both sides to maintain equilibrium. It’s absolutely possible, but it takes both actively engaging in the skill set to enjoy the ride of a healthy relationship.’ Importantly, she says that the key to good conversation is emotional balance within the self: ‘We need to be able to self-regulate our emotions and maintain inner balance to form a solid foundation for a successful conversation.’ This stability cultivates self-awareness, which, in turn, makes it easier to notice when it’s time to pass on – or pick up – the movement of conversation.