BE HERE NOW

WITH STRESS AND ANXIETY DRIVING SO MANY LB WOMEN INTO THE CLOSET AT WORK, WHAT CAN WE DO TO TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES?

WORDS SASHA SCOTT

“I’m not gay – I need to make that perfectly clear.” I heard the words stumble out of my mouth and looked at the embarrassed, slightly amazed faces of the executives around the boardroom table at a sleek American investment bank in Canary Wharf.

I felt totally overwhelmed – the critical voice in the back of my head told me I was a fraud, I was going to fail – my throat was dry, my hands were sweating and I wanted to bolt for the door.

At its most extreme, anxiety can totally disable us. The panic of just showing up and being authentic means some of us construct yet another closet in which to hide – the confines of our own minds.

Who was I kidding? I knew I was gay, I just couldn’t tell anyone and yet I had been asked to panel at an LGBT event to discuss, of all things, difficult conversations in the workplace! The irony was deep – the fear of being outed terrified me but I continued with my conversation. “I am more than happy to get involved in the discussion but I’ll be the straight voice.” As I left the boardroom I felt the cloak of agitation and stress heavy on my back.