RELATIONSHIPS
Love is kind
When the passing of time redefines your relationship with a parent or elderly loved one, show you care with warmth and respect. Heidi Scrimgeour explores tenderness that leaves no room for regret
There is a moment in adulthood when you realise that your relationship with your parents has significantly altered course. The shift is almost imperceptible, but suddenly the dynamics aren’t quite what they used to be. One moment your parents are the supporting actors to your starring role and the next, your priorities change and their needs are taking centre stage.
It’s difficult to paint a picture of the way parent-child relationships evolve as we get older without succumbing to lazy descriptions of doddery elderly folk becoming reliant on their offspring out of the blue. In truth, things change more subtly than that: They might ask, laughingly, for your help with new technology… You may find yourself instinctively offering an arm as they get out of the car… And instead of foisting your children on them for the weekend or relying on them to sort out your overgrown garden, you’re ordering their groceries online and offering to pick up their prescriptions.
It’s natural for parents to lean on their offspring as they get older and for grown-up children to adopt a caring role as the years pass. There can be a gentleness to the way your interactions change, and opportunities to show care can feel like a chance to pay back some of the love you’ve received over the years. But the change can also be fraught with difficulty. To someone determined to keep their independence, the offer of a supporting arm can feel insulting.