ADVICE
Q&A
Our agony aunt, Mary Fenwick, offers a new perspective on whatever is troubling you
I can’t forgive my cousin
for her cruel comment
Q I am 39 years old, have a good job and consider myself fortunate when it come to friends and family, although I don’t have children of my own. Recently, at a family gathering, one of my cousins said: ‘If you don’t have children, you don’t have a life.’ I am finding it hard to forgive her. Can you offer some guidance?
Next month, I’ll have to spend time with a person who I struggle to forgive, so my comments are offered in a humble spirit.
The need to forgive nearly always springs from being hurt – even if it feels like anger, the anger is a reaction to pain. I find it helps to acknowledge the pain, phrasing it specifically as ‘a part of me feels hurt. What this person has done touched me somewhere painful, but it’s not the whole of me’.