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GODZILLA VS. KONG
Titanic failure
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be a character in a kaiju movie, faced with an aweinspiring monster so destructive that all you can do is run from it screaming, Godzilla vs. Kong delivers the experience. Not because it gives you the streetlevel perspective of a yelling extra, but because it’s so monumentally awful that all you can do is stare at it in wonder, before backing away as quickly as possible. It’s positively Lovecraftian in its gibbering badness.
The film opens with Kong waking, scratching his giant ass, and taking a shower in a waterfall. This is a genuine high point of a film that spends the next 30 minutes on exposition. We find out, almost exclusively through dialogue, the plot. Kong’s in a Truman Show-style dome recreating Skull Island to hide him from Godzilla, because apparently alpha Titans will always fight, since the giant ape and the giant lizard can sense each other. How? The script doesn’t know, but don’t worry about it. It’s just something that happens, okay?