YOU CAN RIDE IT WITHOUT HAVING CUSTARD PIES THROWN AT YOU

ICON

£tba / honda.co.uk

Now that’s what you call a proper icon!

Isn’t it just? This is the 2018 incarnation of Honda’s legendary Monkey bike – and because it’s probably not completely clear from the picture, here’s a list of things it’s about the same size as: a pretty big dog, a large suitcase, or a standard wheelie bin. But do you know what it’s bigger than? The 1961 original, which had 5in wheels, foldable handlebars and no suspension. Anyway, both versions are small in stature but big on charm.

Why the embiggening?

Unless you were a child or an actual ape, riding the original Monkey made you look like you should be wearing a red nose and massive shoes. (In fact it was designed for getting around an amusement park at Suzuka, not commuting to your job at Clowns ’R’ Us.) This new one is supposed to be ridden on the road, hence the larger 12in wheels and 125cc engine. It’s still pretty titchy but at least you can ride it without having custard pies thrown at you.

So what else is new?

This isn’t the first time Honda has reimagined its Monkey – there have been many other versions since the ’60s – but this one definitely has the most mod cons of any incarnation so far. It’s got ABS disc brakes and an LCD display, and all the lights are efficient LEDs. Push a button on the key and they’ll even flash at you, so you can find it in a crowded car park… although that’s only likely to be an issue if you regularly park among troops of other tiny motorbikes.

Isn’t it just piggybacking on the name, then?

No, far from it. Features like the stamped exhaust shield, circular mirrors, high-rise handlebars and chromed steel high-level front and rear mudguards are all straight off the early Monkey models, while the old-timey Honda wing logo just rubber-stamps its simian credentials. If you want one, they’ll be on sale later this year in a choice of three colour schemes: Pearl Nebula Red, Pearl Shining Black and Banana Yellow (obvs).

Strong contender PANASONIC FZ-T1

Rugged gadgets that can survive the rough-and-ready lifestyle of a construction site are usually bulky, heavy and even more unpleasant to look at than Alan Sugar’s tweets. Panasonic’s new FZ-T1 smartphone, though, fits snugly in one hand and is surprisingly lightweight, weighing less than 240g. There’s been no compromise in terms of ruggedness here either, with IP68 resistance to water and dust as well as tempered glass that can withstand a drop up to 1.5 metres without cracking. But what’s the point in being tough if it’s as feature-loaded as a paperweight? Fortunately, this handheld device has Android Oreo on board, a Snapdragon quad-core processor and a 5in HD display for quick YouTube binges during your lunch break.

from £1142 / panasonic.com

Instant calmer FUJIFILM INSTAX SQUARE SQ6

Social media has made it easier than ever to share snaps of your crab salad with the world. But the fad for analogue instant cameras, requiring you to hand someone an actual physical photograph so they can see the quality of your vinaigrette, rolls on. The Fujifilm Instax Square SQ6 has no truck with Wi-Fi and digital, instead shooting to square-format film, and after about 90 seconds spitting out a dinky 62mm print. This camera has additional smarts too: colour filters, macro and double-exposure modes, a ten-second timer for group selfies, auto-exposure, and a flash that automatically adjusts the shutter speed to ensure your image isn’t a gloomy mess. Given that the pics work out at about £1 each, that last one’s probably just as well.

£125 / fujifilm.com

? WTF IS POLYMEGA?

Sounds like the outburst of a Mancunian parrot.

You’re not wrong, but you’re also quite a way off. Imagine, if you will, PlayStation, Nintendo and Sega together under one roof. Mario, Sonic and Crash in a pizza-box-littered house share. Sounds like the stuff of geeky fantasy, doesn’t it? But that’s exactly (sort of) what Polymega, the latest in an ever-lengthening line of retro consoles, is bringing to the table.

Wow! I have absolutely no idea what you mean.

Allow us to explain. Thanks to something called Hybrid Emulation, which allows it to read specialised graphics chips, this modular machine is able to play any cartridge-based game from the NES, SNES, Mega Drive and TurboGrafx-16 (remember that guy?), while its built-in optical disc drive means it’ll make friends with your PS1, Sega CD and Neo Geo collection too. Get a few mates on the sofa and you’d probably be convinced you were back in the ’ 90s, were if not for the fact that the games are natively upscaled to sheeny 1080p.

Got it. Anything else interesting I need to know?

Once they’re installed, you can archive games, make playlists and quickly search for titles on the homescreen. And if you’re feeling particularly cocky about a Super Mario Kart time trial, you can share screenshots on social media, and even broadcast straight to Twitch or YouTube.

Do I have to go back to using a wired controller?

The $250 base model is bundled with a DualShock-esque Bluetooth pad, but each console module you add has a retro controller that apes its respective original. Once plugged in, you’ll be able to play lag-free – pretty much essential for beat-’em-ups and the brutally unforgiving platformers of yesteryear.