It probably made a picturesque scene. A snowy mountain in Japan, the dark-blue sky contrasting sharply with the white, powdery layer under a tourist’s skis as she stopped and raised her pale face to the dying rays of the sun. And, in truth, it was scenic. But it was also complicated. Unseen was a heavy heart and anxious thoughts. My heart and my thoughts as I spent time on holiday in late November 2018, only two months after the sudden death of my dad.