Under the microscope
Author and lecturer James McCreet puts a reader’s first 300 words through a forensic micro-critique
James McCreet
DEATH OF A CORNISH INNOCENT
His hands were used to different work.1 This was surprisingly straightforward.2 Firm pressure. Gradually increasing.3 Though slightly built, she managed to find strength to resist.4 Momentarily.5 A desperate pointless thrashing around.6 She succumbed disappointingly easily.7 It was a task well done.8 A popping sensation at the base of his flexed fingers.9 Then she was limp. Peaceful.10 There was a beauty about her now that was absent in life.11 No one would miss her.12 A poor broken thing.13 Broken in a different way from him.14 She would have spoiled everything.15
Duncan drove over the brow of Pentargan Hill and descended down16 the meandering beach road,17 the city of tents and caravans stretching out beneath him in an untidy sprawl.18 A few wispy clouds hung in an otherwise vivid blue sky.19 The sun was warm, the breeze light, ruffling his brown hair.20 He was overdue a haircut.21 A solitary magpie flew across the bonnet of his open topped sports car.22 He instinctively ducked as the black and white bird23 narrowly missed the windscreen.
“One for sorrow,” he said aloud.24
At the far end of Pentargan beach people were gathered in a tight circle, like ants collecting around a crumb of bread.25 As he drew nearer he made out an ambulance and a police car parked on the sand.26 He stopped next to them. PC Stephen Cutts came out of the huddle to escort Duncan back to the cause of it.