There’s no hidden agender

Gender non-binary may be a term that many people don’t understand, but only through discovering this — and rejecting the pronoun “she” — did Lola Phoenix fiind happiness

AS TOLD TO: DAREN PRITCHARD PHOTOGRAPHY: VICTOR HENSEL-COE

Imagine you’ve been sleeping on a terrible mattress your whole life. If you’ve only slept on this terrible mattress, you probably don’t realise it’s terrible. You know your back hurts and you toss and turn at night, but you probably think there’s something wrong with you, not your mattress. And then for a short period of time you get to try an amazing mattress. It makes going back to the old one pretty much impossible.

I can’t speak for all non-binary people, but this analogy is how I feel. Once I had the courage to call myself agender, to ask friends to refer to me with the right pronoun, to admit I wanted and needed to address my dysphoria, not only did I feel better than I ever had in my life but there was also no way I could go back.

Sometimes you don’t realise how badly something its until you try on something new. I’m only one of many people who identify this way. Discovering that there was a term that explained all of the feelings I had grown up with was fantastic.