Loneliness is a challenging emotion, stigmatised by some, feared by many. It’s a feeling that comes most people’s way, however, and digging beneath the surface of what it means for you can be helpful

Conjuring up images of people in high-rise buildings isolated from the world below or marooned on desert islands devoid of human contact, loneliness is acknowledged as a difficult experience. But it isn’t just about being alone. It’s that quiet whisper telling you that something isn’t quite right. And maybe it’s time to start listening – just in a deeper way.

While the recent debate surrounding loneliness, particularly in the wake of the pandemic, has often stigmatised this difficult feeling by documenting its costs, with research suggesting it has a detrimental effect on physical health as well as mental wellbeing, one thing that’s rarely discussed is what it can teach you. Because while loneliness is a real and difficult state – and it is to do with how socially connected you feel – the way that you perceive yourself in relation to others varies widely and is determined by childhood experiences. In other words, it’s not what you experience but how you feel about it that counts.