How setting boundaries in digital communications can alleviate the need for immediate responses, reduce the chances of hitting the wrong note and make for more meaningful interactions

When did you last send or receive a handwritten personal letter? For some, the answer will be never. Why put pen to paper when you can fire off an email, send a quick WhatsApp or just type a speedy DM via social media? How people correspond has changed a lot since the advent of the internet. Alongside this, a sense of urgency has developed, a requirement for missives to be answered immediately. It’s a far cry from the days when those handwritten letters – their arrival marked with a pleasingly gentle thud on the hallway mat – were the norm and it was perfectly acceptable to take days, or even weeks, to reply.

Nowadays, that gentle thud has turned into a plethora of pings as friends, family and colleagues choose instead to communicate via myriad digital and social media platforms. For some, this migration to digital has eroded some of the joy of receiving communications, particularly those of the personal kind. And not because it isn’t great to hear from family and friends. The pressure instead lies with the requirement (if only perceived) to answer promptly, if not immediately, which can become overwhelming and stressful.

Of course, certain personal messages will require a swift response – you don’t want to ignore a dinner invitation for the next evening – but not everything is time-sensitive. So why do people who take a few hours (and sometimes only 30 minutes) to reply to a message often open with an apology? ‘I’m so sorry for my delayed response’ or ‘Please excuse my tardy reply, I’ve just been so busy’ aren’t uncommon openers. The implication is that there’s a duty always to be available to answer a question or reply to a comment immediately.