Not clicking with a new colleague or friend’s friend? It happens to everyone, but what’s behind this often-frustrating phenomena?

Something feels off from the start. It might be that you’ve just been introduced to the new staff member at work, or a friend brings along an unknown pal to a coffee date, but whoever it is, the conversation isn’t flowing. More than that, it’s disjointed and directionless. Their reactions and responses are consistently contrary to your expectations, leaving you increasingly confused. Awkward silences abound. You want to hit reset, but it’s too late, the wavelengths already feel too far apart. Ever wondered what’s going on when this happens?

Firstly, be reassured it’s a common thing. From extrovert to introvert – and everyone in between – the lack of click happens, and it can quickly kybosh any attempt at friendship. A conversation that feels too much like hard work isn’t fun, after all, and few would request a repeat performance. It isn’t something as tangible as a difference of opinion, taste or politics that causes the problem, though. It’s more like a missing piece of the jigsaw – a disconnect on a deeper level or, as many describe it, being on different wavelengths. The reasons behind it are diverse. But it’s important to note that external factors have a role to play. Let’s take, for example, the environment or circumstances in which the encounter happens. If you’re brought together through a specific purpose – say, an escorted group tour, a work project or an escape room – there’s a vested interest in making the experience a positive one. Likewise, proximity, such as staying in the same hotel on holiday, provides easy conversation material from which positive sparks might fly. It’s a little like being at school or college. Without any common ground, however, a relationship that feels immediately awkward or disjointed is more likely to falter.