As told by a man who still remembers when beer tasted of something

by Michael Dee

THEY CALL IT progress. They always do. When the signs are taken down, the smell of real brewing is replaced by disinfectant and diluted dreams, and an old Scottish institution is turned into a brand activation opportunity, someone always insists it’s for the best.

So it was, in what used to be the bottling hall of Clackmethus Brewery, we found ourselves sipping fizzy PR beer and clapping politely at laminated slogans as Liberty BrewCorp – an American drinks conglomerate based somewhere between Delaware and delusion – unveiled their new product to an audience of selected VIPs and the Scottish press corp.

They’d painted over the red brick with a kind of aspirational beige. There was a portable stage. Fairy lights. A soundtrack of generic Celtic fiddling piped in over speakers. The lager? It was called Schlager. The branding was all mountains and minimalism, like an energy drink that had gone to art school.