Man, oh man
Men should x… Women should y… Ali Roff explores the preconceived ideas we have about men, ‘success anxiety’ and how empathy might help us find equality for all
There is an elderly man I’ll always remember – he was eating an ice cream alone at the seaside. I found it heartbreaking. My friend commented that it was probably the last way he wanted to be perceived. She was right: I knew nothing about the man, so why did I feel sympathy for him? My reaction tells me something about how we commonly view men, and what it means to be a man in our society. Ultimately, feeling sorry for him was more about my own discomfort at a man appearing vulnerable. Men should be strong, silent and indestructible, right?
Wrong – and I know this at my very core. I’m conscious about creating space for vulnerability in my relationship. I take care to allow my husband a safe place to share his emotions. I don’t expect him to provide for me; we provide for each other as a team in every way possible. And yet, despite this, societal conditioning obviously has a subconscious grip on the way I see men in the world – like it does so many other things. The ‘shoulds’ rear their ugly head again.