Global Zoom orgy – lesbian dates announced!” So declares the press release that catapults into my inbox one Monday morning. Yes folks, we are living not only in the time of Covid-19, but in the age of the international sapphic Zoom orgy. Sex party specialists Killing Kittens now host regular online events where, with 20 quid and a speedy wi-fi connection, you can join 99 other lady-lovers from across the planet to get virtually jiggy. Wow, I think to myself, wondering whether my extra-tight corona budget can stretch to a ticket. Even in the middle of a worldwide crisis, we gays still find a way to get it on.
Whatever your relationship status and whether or not you’re a fan of Skype sex, the pandemic certainly makes everything a hell of a lot more intense. My girlfriend and I are currently leaning heavily into the co-dependent lesbian stereotype. We spend most nights wearing matching flannel pyjamas, feeding each other hummus and binge-watching vintage episodes of Bad Girls. It’s official. Lockdown has pushed us to reach peak lez.