If, when and how forgiveness happens is an individual decision. Exploring the process on paper first can offer an insight into what might work best for you

‘It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody’

MAYA ANGELOU

‘It’s complicated’ has become a familiar – and often overused – expression these days, shorthand for explaining that there are so many layers to explore about a subject or situation that it’s difficult to know where to start. Yet when it comes to forgiveness, to say it’s complicated is often an understatement.

How to know who, what, when, whether and how to forgive can be both emotionally and physically draining – and that’s to say nothing of any practical considerations. But forgiveness can bring many benefits, according to a number of research projects. One study, from Hope College in Michigan, US, published in the journal Psychological Science, looked at the physiological effect of forgiveness. In the study, participants were asked to recall a hurt and then focus on the thoughts, feelings and physical responses they experienced when either forgiving someone or rehearsing the blow and holding a grudge.