For some, any level of dependence in a relationship will always get the red flag, but might it be more complicated? Breathe explores when it can be healthy, as well as how to spot if it’s crossed the line

Whether you’re married, cohabiting with a sibling, flatmate or romantic partner, or have a genuinely close friend, you might be dependent on someone else to a greater or lesser extent – and they might be dependent on you. Perhaps, day-to-day, you’re always available to them – and vice versa – in a way you’re not to others – say, in how you choose to reply to their messages more quickly than anyone else’s. You might also share practical tasks, be it managing bills or putting out the bins. But dependence often comes into its own on a deeper level. Among other things, a healthy, interdependent relationship can lead to confident, well-balanced decision-making, with both sides offering equally valued, independent opinions.

Codependence vs interdependence

At the other end of the dependency spectrum, a codependent relationship involves an over-reliance by one or both partners on the other, often at the expense of their personal wellbeing. There might be near-constant calls when you’re apart, an imbalance in the amount of work put in to looking after the home, plus an underlying sense of insecurity. Financial decisions, meanwhile, might be made unilaterally by one person when they affect both parties or, at times, specifically the non-consulted partner. Persuasion tactics might also be used to suggest they were positive about and in agreement with the decision all along.