Do you have compassion fatigue, empathy overload or just want to better manage the people in your life? Understanding emotional literacy will help you find a way

Imagine that you’re feeling tired, cranky and a little burned out when a good friend calls for a chat. They need a listening ear, while you need a lie-down in a cool, dark room. Yet you continue the call and suppress the rising tide of emotion inside, feeling an anxiety-driven ball of something you can’t quite describe.

It’s tempting to write this off as plain and simple peoplepleasing, but neuroscience suggests that there’s more to it. Research has shown that the emotional brain has more neural circuits connecting it to the thinking brain than the other way round. This means that the emotional brain has more power over reactions, thoughts and decisions than the thinking brain. In addition, humans are hardwired to seek out pleasure and avoid pain – in this case, the pain of potentially upsetting a friend.

There’s another layer to it, too. ‘Culturally, we’ve been conditioned to prioritise the more pleasant emotions in the name of being good,’ says chartered psychologist, Suzy Reading, who’s written nine books on the subject of self-care, including Self-Care for Winter, her latest title. ‘We’re learning how harmful this is for us as individuals, families and as a society. This is changing, and the education that children receive is very different to previous generations.’