How to step away from the heat of battle and engage in healthier conflict

It seems as if now, more than ever, the world is stuck in high conflict. Percolating down from global war through socialmedia brickbats to strangers shouting at each other on the street, humanity appears to be more polarised than ever.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Most people’s lives contain more material comforts than their ancestors, and yet few stop to appreciate dentistry and central heating. In wealthier countries, competition for access to essential resources is rare. Yet, instead of relishing this good fortune, some are more interested in calling out enemies and winning the next round.

‘High conflict is a situation between two people or in a group where communication has broken down and the conflict has escalated to a degree where threats and actions are possible,’ says Jane Gunn, an expert in conflict resolution who’s known as The Barefoot Mediator and helps people resolve conflict in times of change, challenge and crisis. At root is the belief that you’re right and the other is wrong, but high conflict is more than just trying to win an argument. As Jane says: ‘It’s a way of raising the stakes so that the issue or problem giving rise to it can no longer be ignored.’

Raising those stakes might mean that the disagreement becomes all-encompassing. And, although from the outside it’s easy to see that high conflict is avoidable, from the inside, it’s hard to break free. If you’ve ever been in that situation, you might have believed in the importance of proving your rightness. From there, it’s a slippery slope to believing that if you’re right, you’re also good – and that the other is therefore bad. As history shows, however, there’s no beneficial end to that train of thought.