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Digital Subscriptions > Psychologies > No. 155 > Finding your ‘no’

Finding your ‘no’

During a mixed tantra workshop, Karla Newbey discovers the most important tool so far on her journey to sexual fulfilment

orgasmic life

ILLUSTRATION: JESSICA DURRANT/GETTY IMAGES

Some words are easier to say than others. We all want to speak our truth, but how do I find my voice again after spending the past 15 years suppressing my feelings in order to avoid conflict? Having experienced the liberation of Tinder dating, I realised I needed to realign myself with my original intention – to find a more sensual, spiritual approach to sex – and so I decided to attend a mixed tantra workshop. I had a deep fear of attending a workshop with men, but my desire to learn more was stronger than my terror. However, once the gentle opening ceremony finished, where our senses of touch, taste, smell and sound had been stimulated without any contact with other participants, the blindfolds came off, and my hackles went up. I wanted to leave. But what was I so afraid of?

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