ANYTHING YOU CAN DO…

I can do also, but maybe not as well. Grooming Editor, Will Fennell finally meets his match and it’s a slippery slope!

WITH WILL FENNEL

BELLY FLOP

WILL ON THE WAY TO A COUPLE OF CRACKED RIBS. (INSET) WILL FENNELL, WELL.

SAYING NO to me is like a red rag to a bull. When my somewhat younger French boyfriend suggested, with an air of ageism, that I should not attempt the tallest and scariest waterslide in a Koh Samui water park, it became a question of Mature- Man Pride. I had to.

He went first and, channeling his inner-Matthew Mitcham, his jump was flawless.

My turn. As I climbed the rickety stairs, I remember thinking that it didn’t look exactly safe but, hey, a few missing nails and what appeared to be wood rot was not going to stop me now.

As I flew down the slide (headfirst, no less) with water gushing into my eyes and every part of my body wracked with fear, I somehow knew that mine was not going to be a gold-medal winning dive.

I somehow knew that mine was not going to be a gold-medal winning dive.

I don’t remember anything after the slide ejected me high into the air. I only have the boyfriend’s account of me looking (and sounding) like one of the shrieking ladies flailing from the sinking Titanic.

When I eventually surfaced, I knew that something had gone seriously wrong. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t swim. The next thing I knew, a strapping young lifeguard was saving me – not from the humiliation but from the water. I was hauled up amid a concerned crowd. Yes, the entire waterpark had now stopped to see if the old fella had croaked it.