BLACKBIRD
★ OUT NOW / CERT 15 / 88 MINS
DIRECTOR Michael Flatley
CAST Michael Flatley, Eric Roberts, Patrick Bergin, Nicole Evans
Cheapo James Bond knock-off Blackbird is unequivocally un film de Michael Flatley, the dancer-choreographer acting as star, writer, executive producer and director. Flatley is Victor Blackley, aka Blackbird, a former secret agent who, following the murder of his fiancée by terrorists, leaves the spy life and starts a nightclub in the Caribbean — like a Poundland Rick Blaine. The writing is as leaden as Flatley’s footwork was light, and some of the dialogue is so tin-eared it could have been written on the yellow brick road to Oz (“Bless me father for I have sinned… and I’m about to sin again!”). Down the line there will be glorious participation screenings of Flatley’s magnum opus, but for now it’s just a risible mess to avoid.