It can be easier to offload fears, worries and doubts to strangers than people you’re close to, but it’s a good idea not to share too much

In years gone by, a confessional moment with an acquaintance or stranger was just that – a moment in time. If you accidentally said too much, you could laugh it off, profusely apologise or ask for understanding or discretion. Granted, there would be no guarantee that you’d get empathy or kindness, but there’d be little-to-no evidence that you’d ever shared the confidence.

But if you say too much online, there’s a chance it could have long-term repercussions. Even if you delete a social-media post, or WhatsApp message, someone could have taken a screenshot. And what’s out there on the worldwide web can take on a life of its own. The thing is that, no matter the medium, it can feel freeing to share personal thoughts, feelings, opinions and information with others. The difficulty lies in knowing what to say, to who and when. For instance, you might feel seen when you offload to someone you’ve just met about your work woes, but then exposed when you realise that they’re highly influential and could tell everyone about your self-confessed fails. So, why do people overshare?

Human impulse To understand, it’s helpful to look at the psychology of sharing. Claire Plumbly is a clinical psychologist, author of Burnout: How to Manage Your Nervous System Before It Manages You, and director of the Good Therapy Team, which offers online and in-person psychological therapy and wellbeing workshops in Taunton, Somerset, UK. She says: ‘Sharing means to let people in, so you can get to know each other. Humans are built with the inner chemistry for connection, so sharing nurtures this connection and closeness. It establishes your in-group and gives you a sense of belonging. It helps you find the people whose values you align with.’