Exploring forgiveness and ways to work through the process of letting go of pain and resentment

It’s a challenging area, forgiveness – one that most people will encounter at some point in their lives – whether the transgression is relatively minor (a missed lunch date) or more significant (a betrayal of trust). It’s also deeply personal, evoking a myriad of conflicting emotions and sensations, and the decision as to whether to forgive is rarely straightforward.

Yet many consider it to be vital for personal wellbeing. You might be familiar with the sentiment that if you don’t forgive a particular transgression, it’ll eat you up inside. Witness this powerful statement: ‘Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.’ The words of South African anti-apartheid activist and president Nelson Mandela, they say much about power and the nature of forgiveness. They also suggest that those holding onto resentment for someone else damage themselves in the process.

The theory has scientific backing, too. Research by Wade et al, published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology in 2014, suggested that resentment could lead to stress and anxiety, whereas there were reported health benefits associated with forgiveness, such as a reduction in depression and anxiety, and an increase in a sense of hope.