A Tank Driver Writes
Vlad ‘Mad’ Putin, Tank No: ZZZZ
“ALRIGHT, mate? Looking forward to Christmas? Have you seen my Christmas lights? Amazing laser display off a ship in the North Sea. Gotta love it – it’s really dazzling. At least, that’s what the RAF pilot said! Totally blinding! He was lucky not to crash into the drink! What a fuss about nothing, eh? The lads on the ship were just doing a bit of sight-seeing. Hoping to get a sight of some data cables under the water! Any case, know what you want for Christmas? I do. As the great Mariah Carey put it, “All I want for Christmas is U-kraine”! And I’m gonna get it too, thanks to Donald. I sat on the big orange fat man’s knee and told him I’d been good all year, and he believed me! I gave him my wish list and he’s going to deliver me the lot! The Donbas for starters! And for the main course, forget Turkey (it’s part of NATO), Chicken Kiev (not Kyiv!) is back on the menu! Yummy! But Christmas is not just about taking, it’s about giving, and I’m going to give Donald the photo I’ve got of him blowing Bubba! Does it exist? Might do! It’s as real as Santa and my commitment to any peace deal. Oh, look – it’s started snowing! Either that or we’ve just blown up Chernobyl again. BOOM! Be lucky!”
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