AMAZON WEB SERVICES OUTAGE
An apology to those whose lives were seriously affected by the global failure of AWS
WE ARE very sorry to all customers who were lying in their smart beds which then stopped working, flinging them to the ground, at which point many decided to get up and order some breakfast from Just Eat, only to find that wasn’t working and they couldn’t pay for it anyway because their bank was with AWS, and anyway they wouldn’t have heard the delivery driver because their smart doorbell wasn’t working, so then tried to take their mind off their hunger with a quick language lesson on Duolingo, but failed to learn any Spanish phrases like ¿Por qué no funciona el internet? because that wasn’t working either, and then tried to go on Hinge to find a date but didn’t because that wasn’t working and couldn’t book any tickets to anything anyway because EventBrite was down, then couldn’t stay in because the Playstation wasn’t working and couldn’t watch a film on Amazon Prime Video, and couldn’t go for a run because Strava wasn’t working, and finally gave up and decided to do some work from home, only to realise Zoom and Slack and Microsoft weren’t working either. It must have been an absolute nightmare and we can only apologise profusely and promise we’ll do everything in our power to make sure it doesn’t happen again, until it does.