UNDER THE MICROSCOPE
Your writing critiqued
Author and lecturer James McCreet applies his forensic criticism to the first 300 words of a reader’s work in progress
3Lizzy Barmak has had a ‘collage’ of writing successes including a prizewinning play, several published non-fiction articles, and a recent commission for a short story. She use to play the violin but a neck injury put a stop to this. She now works as a holistic counsellor/ dream therapist.
Since Sue’s mum’s died a few month’s ago, all she wanted to do was to join her.1 Sue became a sofa recluse in the day, 2and unable to sleep at night she took to stargazing.3 Then, one night4 she saw a shooting star, and with this sighting5 she felt a shift inside her:6 she took it as a message of encouragement from her mum to.7
The next sunny, bird twittering morning,8 Sue felt courageous enough to dip her toe in the sea of life again. 9 She went for a walk.10 On this walk 11she saw a poster for Swing dance lessons. 12The last thing she felt like doing was dancing, and yet she found herself sitting in the next class13 – as if she’d got on the wrong bus alighting in an unfamiliar place.14 Although she turned down an invitation to join in,15 she stayed and watched for the duration of the lesson.16 And, returned next week.17
When Sue first started dancin18 it took her a while before she would let the man lead;19 to coil and uncoil her, twirl her in and out under his arm like a spinning top,20 and the trust needed to attempt air-steps made her insist on dancing with the same partner every dance, with the tutor standing close by for security.21 But, after a time22 something happened to change Sue’s life;23 she relinquished control.24Letting go allowed her to be at the mercy of the music, to experience the dance as a kind of exhilarating possession.25