Private Eye

DATA FLOW

AS YET another summer heatwave hit last week,

PRIVATE EYE EDITORIAL

strobes@private-eye.co.uk www.private-eye.co.uk 6 Carlisle Street, London W1D

ALL SYSTEMS GO

ELBIT Systems, which as Israel’s largest arms firm

VISION OF THE FUTURE

USERS of Google’s Lens tool, which searches for

DOZY PARKER

IN HIS first annual report, a year after

COURT CIRCULAR

BRIAN’s men, reading an advance copy smuggled to

US-EYE

“WE ARE in the second American Revolution,” Kevin

APPEAL TO REASON

CLIVE FREEMAN has spent 37 years in jail

SHRED OF HOPE

“ WHY choose Hope?” asks the clearing hub

PLANTING A STORY

IN an August tale guaranteed to get its

POXY VOTE

THREE cheers for the National Union of Journalists,

TELEGRAPHIC MEMORY

“ STATE censorship and press control is rife,”

CHINESE PUZZLE

ONE more hurdle was erected in the long

UNDER THE INFLUENCE

AT THE end of July, Mail

LIES OF THE LAND

WHICH is the most inaccurate British newspaper? The

BIT RICH

“THE Starmer government has made four big economic

NOT - SO - FRANK SPENCER

NIALL FERGUSON modestly describes himself on his personal

SEXY TIMES

FORMER Glamour editor Jo Elvin popped

OPEN SEASON

CHAOS in the Mail’ s sports department

ATTENTION SEEKERS

“ I DO believe ADHD is being wildly

VERY POOR SHOW

“A PREVIOUS version of our article published on

BLEAKEST LINK

HACKS at the Daily Mirror continue

PANTS ON FIRE

THE Daily Mirror keeps taking money

JUST FANCY THAT!

9 July: Eye 1653 goes on sale,

FAT CAT BOUNCE

“ FTSE 100 bosses rake in a record

HACKWATCH

Exodus, Ch.94 “Exodus of millionaires from

DEFINITELY FREEBIE

“ THE Oasis reunion has reaffirmed Great

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“The pops, the pops are calling” “Should

FRANKLY GOES TO HOLYROOD…

A SCOTTISH POLITICS SPECIAL

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Global plastic talks collapse “Run for it!”

EVERYONE’S A CRITIC

BACK in May 2024, former think-tanker Tom Kibasi

BIAS BEWARE

ANOTHER week, another opportunity to “mainline AI into

ONE IN, ONE OUT

THE revolving door between Labour and the world

SUMMER OF DISCONTENT

Angry patients PATIENT satisfaction with the NHS is

WEBER INTRIGUE

“ I’M STILL around,” Labour’s Jonathan Ashworth

UNSIGHTLY GROWTH

WHILE some Labour backbenchers might rebel on disability

COMING UP TRUMPS

ONE name recurs in British moves to classify

LINE OF DISSENT

“ THE bill is not intended to threaten

COIN TOSSERS

CONSERVATIVE leader Kemi Badenoch gave a big boost

COINCIDENCE CORNER

12 February: Labour peer Lord (David) Watts speaks

THE NEW ELITE

NEWLY released Electoral Commission figures on 2024 election

PEERS REVIEW

2018: Nigel Farage asks for reform of the

SUNDAE WORKING

THIS summer, Reform UK MP Lee Anderson isn’t

GREEN POSTURES

SHADOW defence secretary James Cartlidge sent a leaflet

KEEPING THE LIGHTS ON

GOVERNMENTS always get frustrated when regulators tell them

CURRENT AFFAIRS

THE eye-catching discounts offered by the government for

PORKY PIE WATCH

TORY Tees Valley mayor Ben Houchen is deploying

BRUSSELS SPROUTS

MORE than 1,000 EU officials are threatening to

EU-phemisms

“We will not be deterred in our stance

SEND IN THE CLOWNS

SEND provision in Surrey is shameful. More families

REFORM ROUND-UP

A FAILED Worcestershire Reform candidate is refusing to

SACRIFICIAL LAMBETH

L AMBETH council has paid almost £4m for

BRASS NECK

A TUNBRIDGE Wells councillor has struck a bum

In other news…

l SOMERSET’s new transformation plan to save

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SIGNAL FAILURES

Private parts

ROAD RAGE

Sight tests for sore eyes

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The Agri Brigade

T HE sight of convoys of tractors descending

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EYE WORLD

Letter from Bangkok from Our Own Correspondent

Postcard from Georgetown

C RUISE ships may do for our cousins in

Dispatch from Luanda

W HEN Prince Harry walked through an old

EYE TV

Match of the Day (BBC1) MasterChef (BBC1)

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MEDIA NEWS

THOUGH it will clearly be missed by writers

AD NAUSEAM

TRAVEL website Booking.com has a new campaign out

THREE’S A CROWD

THE BBC’s announcement that Mark Chapman would present

DUMB BRITAIN

Mastermind, BBC2 Clive Myrie: In old money,

Brand-extension failures

Chat PGTips

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA

ESSEX Police were forced to issue multiple clarifications

A-EYE

LUCRATIVE talking shops about the AI-led future of

MALGORITHMS

A feature dedicated to excellence in online advertising…

LUCY LETBY’S TRIAL BY TELEVISION: WHO TO BELIEVE?

Channel hopping EVERY terrestrial channel is offering a

NOOKS and CORNERS

THE asset of community value (ACV) process can

IT’S GRIM UP NORTH LONDON

KNIFE & PACKER

Letter

letters@private-eye.co.uk EyeWorld-beater Sir, Reading Prof

FUNNY OLD WORLD

fow@private-eye.co.uk £ “I started working as a

HISTORIC PEACE DEAL Chamberlain rates Hitler meeting ‘Ten out of ten’

The Prime Minister of the United States of

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Dictionary Corner

New definition of Islamophobia agreed Islamophobia noun Fear

Daily mail

On the shame of Russian appeasement

JOY FOR ORDINARY COUPLE AS THEY MOVE UP PROPERTY LADDER

THERE was good news for struggling couples everywhere

Match of the Day crisis talks

FOLLOWING the departure of controversial pundit Gary Lineker,

Summer Gnomemart

My Sarah Vine A&E Hell

IT IS now seven hours since I began

HOW TO GET THE NHS WAITING LIST DOWN

Make the list so long that patients remove

MOUNJARO TRIPLES PRICES

Notes&queries

What is ‘Wet Wipe Island’? Private Eye

DEAD SUPERMAN ACTOR FURY

THERE was outrage throughout the world of entertainment

New look Monopoly launched

THE makers of the iconic board game Monopoly

POETRY CORNER

In Memoriam Jim Lovell, legendary astronaut on the

THAT PRINCE ANDREW BIOGRAPHY

Those shocking revelations in full

JOY AT RECORD A-LEVEL RESULTS

THERE were traditional scenes of celebration as this

Those new A-level grades in full

E – Fail D – Poor C –

DI CAPRIO AT 50

Clickbait headlines from history

Kennedy DESTROYS Russia with simple four-word takedown at

Ex-Conservative MP writes for the Eye

SO it’s a big moment for the Conservative

POLICE LOG

Neasden Central Police Station

Daylight robbery ‘out of control in London’

VISITORS have confirmed fears expressed by Reform about

GAZA LATEST

OLD PROVERBS REVISITED

“Don’t shoot the messenger – blow him up

Trump gets tough with Netanyahu

Lines on the publication of a memoir by Nicola Sturgeon

’Twas in the year two thousand and twenty-

Migrant crisis latest

IT’S OFFICIAL! Since Labour came to office there

‘Tens of thousands fleeing London’ prove Farage was right

REFORM leader Nigel Farage says reports that in

Summer Travel News

Relief for travellers as no disruption on any

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Elderly drivers

SIR – May I avail myself of your

Plastic pollution talks collapse

THE world was shocked this week by the

IT'S THE MARVILE

CHINESE FIRM TO BUY THAMES WATER ?

Risk warning at Water takeover

THE news that a Hong Kong firm is

Horse racing strike shock

THE gambling industry was in shock as a

Private Eye

“A policeman’s lot is not a happy meal”

How to spot those tell-tale signs of heat exhaustion

As we poor Brits swelter in the fourth

Ironyometers to blame

AS WILD fires rageall over the entire globe,

Private Eye

Maybe climate change ‘Not so bad’ says Driscoll family

AS THEY returned to London with their two

This year the Edinburgh festival is taking place at the same time as the Oasis concerts at Murrayfield Stadium

THOSE TOP 10 FRINGE JOKES IN FULL

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“Frankly, this could be anywhere in Europe”

That drunk, naked pilot announcement in full

“Good afternoon, passengers. This is your Captain streaking.

Destination X

The new TV show that’s everyone’s talking about...

Participants demand to be removed from MasterChef

TODAY, one of the stars of the BBC’s

New ‘Wuthering Heights’ adaptation rocks film world

The cinema establishment has been rocked by the

Brooklyn and Nicola Renew Their Vows

That Service In Full

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NO SACRED COWS

If, as the head of the Free Speech

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“I still yearn for the good old days

University challenged

(Europa, £14.99) B Y chance, the high-water

Sex on a plate

Tart Slutty Cheff (Bloomsbury, £16.99) ”I AM

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Books & Bookpersons

THIS year’s Polari Prize for LGBTQ writers has

TERF TIMES

n THE Polari meltdown is only one of

CULTUNE BORES

FOLDING PATTERN

n A SAD end to the saga of

GNOME CINEMA

CANADIAN-Korean Celine Song had been a relatively undistinguished

MUSIC & MUSICIANS

THE fallout from the Royal Opera House’s flag-waving

Pseuds Corner

It is no exaggeration to say that a

Carter Fucked

IT’S nearly six years since Eye

Busy Bodmin

AYEAR after Bodmin Hospital had to close psychiatric intensive

Sins of the father?

FORMER archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby has been

Ofsted U-turn?

PRIVATE Eye is accustomed to backing campaigns

Unlevel A-levels

AROUND a quarter of a million school leavers

Booty camp

A SUPPLIER of adult education “skills bootcamps” to

Beached Wales

WHILE the English water firms take a battering

People in glass houses...

QUESTIONS continue over the University of Sunderland’s doomed

A sorry tale

JUSTIN Plummer spent more than 27 years in

Charity ends at home

THOMAS Pocklington was a wealthy property investor who

Waste lines

A DEAL agreed by a beaming investment minister

Plot thickens

A SPIRATIONS for the regeneration of the

Arcade ire

GAMBLING reform campaigners have been sounding the alarm

Justice denied

ANNOUNCING the long overdue public inquiry into police

In the City

T HE collective investment vehicle for the pension

Rough trade

P UBLIC opinion may already be reflected in

Knock on Woodford

T HE (as usual) much-delayed verdict and £46m

Crossword 810 winner: SARAH AND TOM ROWNTREE

ACROSS: 6 Diatribe 8 Dugout 10 Toast 11

RAK and ruin

I T IS often said that only in

THELAST LAUGH…

“If you lose mental capacity, it allows him

Private Eye

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