A Tank Driver Writes
Vlad ‘Mad’ Putin, Tank No: ZZZZ
Every week a well-known tank driver gives his opinion on a matter of topical importance.
“Alright mate, in you get. Mind the balloons. BANG! Bit of a shock that, but don’t worry – it wasn’t a balloon, it was the residential tower block I just blew up. Still, you got to celebrate your birthday somehow. 24-gun salute. By me, for me! BANG! Now that was a balloon. I had 73 of those, now I’ve only got 72. I blew ’em all up myself. I love blowing things up, me. I got some lovely birthday greetings from schoolkids. I love little ’uns, keep you young don’t they – ’specially their organs! Here’s to the next 73 years, eh? Bet you can’t guess what I want for my birthday… Oh, you can. Yes, the whole of Ukraine wrapped up in a big bow. And a cake – gotta love a birthday cake. Watch out, I’m going to light the candles.