Private Eye

FRAUD-U-LENT FIGURES

CHANCELLOR Rachel Reeves was “pleased to tell” the

FOG OF WAR

ONCE upon a time, history was said to

ENTIRELY FALSE FLAGS

AFTER the deadly Manchester synagogue attack on 2

RED FACES ALL ROUND

SPEAKING about Handsworth in Birmingham, which he’d visited

Private Eye

“Bloody Trump!”

FOLLOWING THE PACT

AWKWARD times for Tory shadow housing secretary James

NOT-SO-USEFUL IDIOT

PERHAPS the most in-demand talking head at the

COINCIDENCE CORNER

3 October: The Observer contacts Reform UK leader

GOWN & OUT

BARELY noticed in the £122m judgment against the

WAGES OF SIN

THE most encouraging part of the government’s response

RACE DISCRIMINATION

A FAMILIAR figure lurks behind the decision to

MUSEUM BALLS

A GLITZY new British Museum Ball sees the

AGE AGAINST THE MACHINE...

THE implementation of the Online Safety Act’s age

COURT CIRCULAR

IT’S no secret Prince William wants his reign

THE PRINCE AND THE PAEDO

ANOTHER weekend, another double-whammy of the same “exclusive”

REACH-INGCRISIS POINT

THE deadline approaches for the brave new page-sharing

PAYING DISRESPECTS

OUTRAGE and open revolt at Rupert Murdoch’s News

MEET & GRATE

“WILL today go down in history as the

JAB IN THE FIBS

THE Daily Mail generally approves of tougher borders,

HOW TO END IT?

FIRST they came for Giorgio Armani ( Eye

TATTERS OF PRINCIPLE

“SAUDI Arabia has one of the worst records

OH MY, OMID!

MEANWHILE one of the comics criticised for appearing

BEGGARS BELIEF

“ WE turn down literally millions of pounds

CANCEL VULTURE

OBSERVER owner Tortoise Media is advertising for recruits

OBS & SOBS

“THE Guardian despite exposing the whole phone-hacking affair,

SPORTS ILLUSTRATED

“CAMERAS must focus on the race not our

TICE-TOLD TALE

“WE welcome media scrutiny, but… there’s a difference

CONFLICT ZONE

AS noted in Eye 1658, the Bloomberg politics

HACKWATCH

Nicole Kidman & Urban myths LATE last month

HATCHET OF LIMITATION

THE Daily Mail devoted a full page on

BREAD ROLES

“ MY MISTAKES as a female breadwinner –

Private Eye

“I think you’ve had enough” “They reckon the

BROKEN RECORD

RUNCORN and Helsby MP Sarah Pochin can claim

HOUSE RULES

FOR all the desperate changes Keir Starmer has

CONSTRUCTIVE TALKS?

AFTER Sarah Jones MP moved from her post

MEDICINE BALLS

Online rescue? LABOUR’s big idea to rescue the

PACKED LUNCHES

THERE’s no such thing as a free lunch,

COMMISSION IMPOSSIBLE

“ WE think that gambling is a really

MOTHER’S PRIDE

LABOUR’s largest backbench organisation is aiming to “confront

REVOLVING DOORS

THE AI boom is already creating jobs for

THE ITALIAN JOB

THE Conservative party has shown zero apparent concern

CULTURE BOAES

More HP over ☞

HOUSING NEWS

A GENERATION of new towns has moved a

JUDGE DREAD

ROBERT JENRICK dug into his dressing-up box at

BRUSSELS SPROUTS

THERE’s no sugarcoating the fact the EU’s decision

Private Eye

“He’s having a digital identity crisis” “Next year

CARE BARE

SHOCKING failure in Haringey’s social work department, where negligent

NO FUTURE

CRONYISM, cock-ups and fat-cat salaries at cash-strapped Bournemouth,

LATE DEVELOPER

PITIFUL placemaking in Cambridgeshire too, as it emerges

REFORM ROUND-UP

REFORM councillors are a slippery bunch. West Northamptonshire

CANVASS FRAMING

THE ROYAL Borough of Kensington and Chelsea (RBKC)

NUMBER CRUNCHING

4.7% Average annual hike in council tax by

NOOKS and CORNERS

THE long and bitter battle to rebuild and

LUCY LETBY CASE: PART 30

Prosecution error ON 30 September, Dr Dewi Evans,

SIGNAL FAILURES

Track and trace WITH its latest attempt to

ROAD RAGE

Mutiny on the buses THE Unite union was

The Agri Brigade

S MALL abattoirs, so vital to farm shops,

EYE TV

The Celebrity Traitors (BBC One) The Celebrity Inner

YES, HE’S BACK!

LIGGER

ARCH FOES

THERE was no white smoke above Lambeth Palace,

DUMB BRITAIN

The Chase, ITV Bradley Walsh: People who are

RIYALITY CHECK

BBC bosses may be feeling nostalgic about the

AD NAUSEAM

CHANNEL 4’s Mirror on the Industry report is

US-EYE

AMERICAN MEDIA SPECIAL

Brand-extension failures

Kellogg’s Corn Plasters

VICTORIA’S SECRETS

THERE was much speculation ahead of the broadcast

A-EYE

WITH the launch of its Sora2 text-to-video model,

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA

A NEW pan-European research project by the non-profit

POP EYE

IT’s the oldest PR trick in the book.

MUSIC & MUSICIANS

WITHOUT the National Lottery, which syphons money to

Letter from Valletta

from Our Own Correspondent O UR crowded and

CHAD WATCH

O N 17 September, Chad stripped two exiled

Postcard from Addis Ababa

I T’s 2018 under Ethiopia’s own calendar, and

Letters

@ private-eye.co.uk Lookalike Claudia Pet Sir, Did

STRIPPED TEES

How Britain’s flagship ‘levelling up’ project turned into a scandalous giveaway

Big Ben

From Tory-boy to Tory poster boy

Deadly neglect

Botched demolition kills two men

Ransom notes

Levelling up and shaking down

Men in the middle

Teesside’s top trouserers

Delos boys

Old idea, new beneficiaries

Didn’t they do well?

Regeneration game’s £1bn potential

Airport losses stack up

BEN HOUCHEN’s mayoralty-winning airport purchase soon began to

Damning verdict Independent review confirms the Eye’s findings

IN JANUARY 2024, Angie Ridgwell delivered her Tees

Private Eye

“It’s not an online criminal gang, you’ve just

FUNNY OLD WORLD

fow@private-eye.co.uk £ “There’s been a sudden rise

Letters to the Editor

SIR – There are few reliable indicators of

TRUMP ANNOUNCES NEW DAWN FOR GAZ-A-LAGO

WAR OVER AS MIDDLE EAST DEAL AGREED

TRIUMPHS THEN AND NOW

THEN Slave whispers in emperor’s ear reminding him

NOW COMES THE REBUILDING...

GAZA LATEST STOPPED CLOCK SPEAKS OUT

DONALD TRUMP Another Apology

IN COMMON with many other media organisations, we

PEACE PRIZE CONTROVERSY

THERE was shock and surprise in Oslo as

CAN THEY REBUILD GAZZA?

IT’S THE question the whole world is asking

Grim Brandreth strikes again

ONCE again, the world is in mourning after

POETRY CORNER

In Memoriam Jilly Cooper, columnist, novelist and National

Glenda Slagg

Fleet Street’s Celebrity Traitor!!!???! n CELEBRITY Traitors!!!?! Don’cha

‘Which?’ survey reveals groceries purchased on delivery apps cost twice as in the supermarket

ON OTHER PAGES: n Which? survey reveals bears

WAS NELSON AN ADMIRAL?

IT’s the controversial claim that has turned the

VAPE MANUFACTURERS DENY TARGETING CHILDREN

VAPING companies have denied targeting children after the

Private Eye

“We have reason to believe the lady doth

Repeat protests ‘to be curbed’

Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood has announced a total

New trade deal with China

THIS week business secretary Peter Kyle was pleased

New unit of time revealed: The MicroMacron

THE infinitesimally small unit of time between the

MACRON AND PM IN FRENCH FARCE

POETRY CORNER

In Memoriam Dolly Parton, film star and country

A Tank Driver Writes

Vlad ‘Mad’ Putin, Tank No: ZZZZ Every week

The Reluctant Prince

Apple TV+ The star of the long-running sitcom

WE’VE STOPPED THE BOATS!

FRIDAY OCT 17, 2025 THERE was joy amongst

Private Eye

“I wonder what’s causing it?”

GRETA THUNBERG SPEAKS OUT ABOUT CRUEL TREATMENT BY ISRAELIS

FEMALE ARCHBISHOP FACES TIDE OF MISOGYNY

SILICON VALLEY FEARS A.I. MARKET BUBBLE

Barrowman and Mone ‘palmed off shoddy PPE’

Doug Barrowman and Michelle Mone have been accused

MEDICAL WORLD STUNNED

T HERE was astonishment throughout the podcasting community

Those eye-catching, conference-pleasing Tory plans in full

Your questions answered by Conservative Party HQ Q

TORY JOKE LATEST…

Glimmer of hope for the Tories

THERE was a glimmer of hope today for

FARAGE FURY

NIGEL Farage has reacted furiously to a raft

‘She’s our typo of leader’

FOLLOWING the Tory Party leader’s brillaint chocolate bar

Jenrick in race row

THIS week, in a meeting with shadow cabinet

Ex-Conservative MP writes for the Eye

I’M SURE a lot of you might assume

MARVILE

Only Murders in the Schedules

In this Cosy Crime classic, Steve Martin, Helen

‘CELEBRITY TRAITORS’ STUNS VIEWERS

THE nation’s viewers were in shock this week

CONSPIRACY UPDATE

The news that Prince William was seen inside the

RIYADH COMEDY FESTIVAL: THE FINAL VERDICT

James Bond ‘fury’ as he’s ordered to stand down

SENIOR British MI6 spy James Bond has spoken

DIARY

MY STRICTLY ED BALLS I’d basically had it

Private Eye

“Is the name badge really necessary?” “We’re all

Auto-friction

Will There Ever Be Another You

Fact Czech-ing

The Secret of Secrets

BOOKS & BOOKMEN

REDMAYNE REMAINDERED ■ WHEN HarperCollins revealed the downfall

Private Eye

“Alas, poor Ophelia... and yet, she may inspire

Pseuds Corner

[Serpentine gallery director Hans Ulrich] Obrist can discourse

Double fault

W OE is Boris “Boom Boom” Becker. Banged

WHAT YOU DIDN’T MISS, Pt 94

Heirs & Graces: A History of the Modern British Aristocracy

GNOME CINEMA

WHILE bear-baiting and cockfighting are seen as beyond

Tata for nothing

IT CAN only be hoped that when he

Fake it to make IT

THE IT firm VE3 Global, which works on

Rogue trader

NORTH London consultancy Saber Solutions claims to offer

Price crap!

ANOTHER increase in the combined gas and electricity

Meta-bollocks

META’s latest sustainability report was proud to trumpet

In for a soakingAdvertisement

MANY English households now face even higher water

Rock bottom

BOTTOM trawling and dredging has been likened to

Rise and decline

U2 FRONTMAN and oh-so-modest philanthropist Bono’s more than

Watt a shame

THE inquests into the deaths of three patients

Curb crawling

THE EV transition continues at a glacial pace,

Quick march

WHETHER or not Donald Trump has secured peace

Steppe brothers

AATIF HASSAN, the founder and chairman of fast-growing

Class war

TEACHERS convicted of serious crime, including sexual offences

CAAT scan

EIGHTEEN months after the Charity Commission began inquiries

PRIVATE EYE

PAGE 94

THE LAST LAUGH…