A Tank Driver writes
Vlad ‘Mad’ Putin, Tank No: ZZZZ
Every week a well-known tank driver gives his opinion on a matter of topical importance. This week: the significance of Operation Spiders Web on the confidence of the Russian military machine
“What’s that? You want to go to Crimea? Sorry, mate, I’m not going south of the Sea of Azov at this time of night. Nah, mate, I’m not being difficult, it’s just that it’s the bridge. Bit on the wobbly side. Bloody Ukrainian terrorists! Got no respect for national borders! We’ll have to go the long way round. Via Siberia. Oh, what now?! BEEP! BEEP! Get out the bloody way, mate. Bleedin’ container lorry. I guess he’s just doing his job. Probably delivering some borscht and a potato to a supermarket or something. Oh, hang on. Why’s he stopping here in the middle of nowhere? There’s nothing around but a military airbase… Blimey O’Rileski – what on earth is coming out of the lorry’s roof? Drones! Thousands of ’em! What do you call a flock of drones? A murmuration?! Nah, nah, nah, that’s starlings. A murder! Nah, that’s crows. BOOM! Bloody hell! They’ve only gone and blown the bloody wings off! This is well out of order. Sorry, mate, I’m going to have to drop you here. I’ve got some revenge to serve up. Cold? Yeah – we are in Siberia, after all! Good luck thumbing a lift. Hope the thumb doesn’t drop off… Right, time to get on the blower… Oi, Donald, you great muppet! That ceasefire I wasn’t ever going to sign up to? Well, you can stick it right up your gas-filled pipeline! It’s no more Mr Nice Guy. Those bleedin’ Ukrainians are going to regret messing with Vlad. And don’t you try and stop me… What’s that? You’re not going to try and stop me? Sweet. Good talking to you, Donald, mate. Bye… What an absolute lily-livered, orange-arsed plonker! You gotta love ’im!”